Custody &
contact
Custody & contact rights:who decides, who sees the child
Mieke Karcher, attorney at law · as of July 2026
Of everything that comes up for negotiation in a separation, this is the only thing that is not about money. It feels correspondingly different, and correspondingly often two things get mixed up that in law have nothing to do with each other.
Sorgerecht (custody) is the power to decide: who determines where the child lives, which school, health matters and the larger course-setting decisions in the child's life (§ 1626 BGB)? Umgangsrecht (contact rights) concerns the time spent together: weekends, holidays, the contact that is actually lived (§ 1684 BGB). The two are not tied to each other. A parent without custody still has a right to contact, and the other way round. The same yardstick applies to both, and it is not fairness between the parents: what decides is the child's welfare.
The
custody
Does joint custody end with the separation?
No. Married parents keep joint custody, after the divorce as well; the proceedings change nothing about that by themselves. Sole custody exists only on application and only where it best serves the child (§ 1671 BGB).
In practice joint custody is also less onerous than many fear: everyday life is arranged in any case by the parent the child lives with. Only questions of considerable significance are decided by both together (§ 1687 BGB).
For unmarried parents the starting position is different. There the mother initially has sole custody, until a declaration of custody, marriage or the court establishes joint custody (§ 1626a BGB).
The
contact
What contact rights mean
Contact is first of all a right of the child and only after that a right of the parents (§ 1684 BGB). From that follows something that often comes as a surprise: each parent is not only entitled to contact but also obliged to it.
Both parents must also protect the child's bond with the other rather than undermine it: the law calls that the duty of good conduct. Contact can be restricted only where the child's welfare requires it; in extreme cases as supervised contact.
Contact and maintenance are two separate claims, and neither is a lever for the other. Whoever does not pay does not lose contact with the child. And whoever refuses contact does not save the maintenance. Both are owed to the child, and the parents may not set one off against the other.
Shared
care
What about the shared care model?
In the Wechselmodell (shared care model) both parents share the care largely in half, and a court can order it where it best matches the child's welfare.
It is not a self-starter, though. It presupposes short distances, reliable arrangements and parents who can talk to each other despite the separation. Where that is missing, the model does more harm than good; we would rather give an honest assessment of whether it holds in your case than recommend it as a matter of principle.
Before the
court
How the court decides
The yardstick is solely the child's welfare; a parent's wish counts for nothing in itself.
It moves quickly, at least on paper. Contact, residence and the return of a child fall under the priority and acceleration rule: the hearing is to take place at the latest one month after the proceedings begin, and it is postponed only for compelling reasons that have to be substantiated (§ 155 FamFG). So anyone who goes to court over contact does not wait as long as in a financial matter.
Before deciding itself, the family court works towards an agreement between the parents (§ 156 FamFG). Where none comes about, the court hears the child in person (§ 159 FamFG) and often appoints a guardian ad litem for it, in everyday speech the “child's attorney” (§ 158 FamFG). The youth welfare office also advises and is involved in the proceedings.
That order is no accident: the less the court has to decide, the more workable the arrangement stays in everyday life, because a contact arrangement works only if both parents actually live it week after week.
How we
support you
You remain the parents of the same child
With children it shows most clearly why the focus of this firm lies on solutions by agreement: a negotiated arrangement carries further than any order, because both parents helped write it. And it has to carry further, because unlike with questions of assets you are not rid of each other after the proceedings.
In concrete
terms
What we take on for you
We first separate custody and contact cleanly and assess your situation. On custody questions we examine whether an application under § 1671 BGB has any prospect at all. For contact we develop arrangements, holiday plan included, that really work in everyday life, and on request we record them in a parenting agreement so that later points of dispute do not arise in the first place.
Whether a shared care model holds for your child we assess honestly. And if it does go to proceedings after all, we represent you at the hearing and with the guardian ad litem and the youth welfare office.
The conversation takes place at Frankenallee in Frankfurt-Gallus or by video, in German, English or Spanish as you prefer. We reply to written enquiries usually within one working day.
How the process
runs
From clarification to the order
At the start stands clarification: separating custody from contact, sorting goals and room for manoeuvre. Then the court seeks an agreement between the parents, often with the help of a parenting plan (§ 156 FamFG).
Only where no agreement comes about does the family court decide on application. Before that the child is heard, and a guardian ad litem and the youth welfare office join the proceedings (§§ 158, 159 FamFG). At the end stands an agreement or an order; in both cases the yardstick remains solely the welfare of the child.
That is the usual course; an individual case may differ (as of 2026).
Frequent
questions
What we are asked most often about this
May I move to another city with the child?
With joint custody, not on your own. Where the child lives is one of the questions of considerable significance that both parents decide together (§ 1687 BGB). If they do not agree, the family court can transfer the power to decide to one parent; even then the yardstick is the child's welfare, not the parents' professional or private wish.
Do I need the other parent's consent for a trip with the child?
That depends on the destination and the length, and for trips abroad the answer is yes more often than many assume. What belongs in a travel authorization and which identity papers the child needs we cover in detail in the article travel authorization for a child.
Does my child have to testify in court?
Not in the sense of giving evidence as a witness. The court forms a personal impression and hears the child (§ 159 FamFG); how that happens depends on age and stage of development. The point is not that the child should decide in favour of one parent; a guardian ad litem exists precisely to keep it out of that role (§ 158 FamFG).
What comes
next
Read on where your question currently stands
Shared care in Frankfurt: when it fits
If you want to share the care in equal halves: that article also covers what it means for child maintenance.
ReadMaintenanceSeparation & maintenance
To the maintenance page itself.
ViewAgreementDivorce settlement agreement
If custody and contact arrangements are to be recorded together with the other consequences, with the limitation that they do not bind the court.
ViewAbroadInternational family law
If one parent wants to move abroad or already lives there.
ViewSources
The provisions mentioned in the text in their official wording at “Gesetze im Internet”, the portal of the German Federal Ministry of Justice.
Contact
You do not have to take the first step alone
Tell us about your situation. We reply personally, usually within one working day.